2 years old!

Monday, December 12, 2016



Photos by Pierson Photo Company

Our sweet boy turns 2 on Thursday!  He loves planes, motorcycles, finding bugs around the house and squashing them with his fingers and then flushing them down the toilet. He LOVES Mickey Mouse, singing,  and exploring. He is cautious and thoughtful. When he plays with his toys he sits and really focuses. He loves fake falling and waits for me to ask all dramatic, "Are you alright?" And he says, "yesssssss! alright!" He's obsessed with wrestling and I'm the most awkward person when it comes to rough housing so I make him wait until Daddy gets home for that. He asks for kisses and snuggles in the morning. After I dyed my hair pink he looked up and said to me, "Mommy cuuute!" Favorite food is anything with sugar. Which I hate. It totally stresses me out.  I blame Nana for the sugar love. ;) When he gets really excited and happy he grits his teeth and gives us the biggest crooked smile. Some cute phrases he says right now, "Where are you?" "Uh oh.. fall down!" "I wuv you." "Bernie! COME! Lay DOWN!" "Watch a show one?" 'More fruit snacks?" He makes up so happy. And so tired. Has a hard time with sleep. And when he does sleep through the night he is up ready to go at 6am. He has had to deal with a lot in his life with mourning parents who are trying to work through such a difficult phase of life while trying out hardest to be the parents he deserves. :) We are so grateful he is in our lives and we feel so lucky to be his. 

30 weeks with baby girl

We made it. 30 weeks! 30 weeks! Getting in the 30s is such a big sign of relief for me. It's also my absolute favorite part of pregnancy. Ryan and I were talking about some crappy and scary things we have coming up this month. One of them being the sentencing on Wednesday. I was crying. And feeling really sad. And then our Sweet G starting moving around and we both sat there quiet and felt her roll around and I looked up and Ryan and said in true cheesy Sami fashion, "This moment right here. This is what makes life so good." I'm so grateful to be able to experience pregnancy again. There are many parts of motherhood that have been a huge struggle so I'm grateful for comfortable, and healthy pregnancies. I always dreamed of having all boys. But the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew it was a girl. I'm so excited to get to know her. Her name we picked is full of light. And I can feel her sweetness already. 

baby size: 3 pounds! 

weight gain: 10-12ish. Depends on the day. 

sleep: pretty good considering. I'm so tired at the end of the day and just zonk out! 

missing: my works outs. always. hahah. she is so much lower than Riv. It's a lot more difficult for me to be sweaty active! 

craving: beverages. always and forever. 

feeling: so good, and beautiful. and just really soaking up the last bit of this pregnancy. i'm so glad i still have 2 months left. 

gender: girl. i love her name. but it's becoming more popular and i shouldn't care.. haha. but i do! i'm still on the hunt for others just in case.  

best moment of the week:  having family over yesterday for river's birthday. his face when we all sang to him was magic. 

looking forward to: seeing ryan tonight when he's done with work.

28 weeks with baby girl!

Monday, November 28, 2016


So MANY changes since my last post. My belly has really popped and it's so fun. I really love this stage of pregnancy. She moves so much! I posted about this on instagram but as an expecting mother you get a lot of comments about your SIZE. Too small.. too big. When really it should be all about health and that sweet growing baby don't ya think? :) Thanksgiving was wonderful. Other than River didn't sleep. Like at all. One night he was up from 12 to 4:30! He has a hard time sleeping anyways..but when he's not in his own bed. It's a nightmare. So many tired tears happened over the weekend and my family as always picked me up and helped with Riv so much and hugged me and loved me and made everything feel ok. hahah. Everything is so much harder with NO SLEEP. Don't ya think? And when I do get a good old stretch in there I feel like a new woman. Like I can fight crime and cure diseases. Haha! 

weight gain: a little over 10 pounds. 

sleep: read above. thanks Riv ;) Oh but last night! he slept through the night! But I was up at 1, 4, and 6 just guzzling water and OJ. hahah. Give me all the beverages. 

missing: working out hard! with the no sleep and pregnancy thing I haven't been able to much. 

craving: drinks. water. ice water. OJ. Chocolate milk. Smoothies. YUMMMMMMY! The best!!!!!!!

feeling: beautiful. (in the i'm grateful for this experience kind of way) I am starting to feel a lot more back pain and stretching. And so much more pressure than with Riv! She's just so much lower! Which means I'm peeing so much more too! Haha. I peed my pants so much last week laughing with my family. Haha. 

gender: i still can't believe it's a girl.  

best moment of the week: being with FAMILY! 

looking forward to: work this week! all of my mini sessions are this week and I'm so excited! And then I'm off work for a month for Christmas. :)  OH AND GILMORE GIRLS! Loved the revival! Ahhh! Oh and I have to write about this because it's so sweet. Ryan has said multiple times how much he loves my belly and how much it's growing. He's the best. He will be the best Dad to our girl. I can't wait. 


 

25 weeks with baby girl

Sunday, November 6, 2016

25 weeks! I made the boys do a tiny photo shoot with me this morning because look at them. I love them so much and River's crooked smile is probably the best thing in the world. My favorite ever.  I'm staring to FEEL big. I'm on the tail end of the "did you eat a cheeseburger or are you pregnant?" stage.. So I don't necessarily look as big as I feel. She's popping out so much more though and I'm gaining weight pretty swiftly. I'm starting to get a lot more back pain but it's pretty manageable after a nice back rub from Ryan. ;)  River is sleeping at night again. So me and Ryan feel like we can function a little better. And River is happier too. And he is SO MUCH FUN. Talking so much. "More cookie please!" "Move please mom." "Bug, where ya go?" "Thank you mommy daddy." "I wuv you" "Bernie lay DOWN!" We love him so much. 

Love and peace! xo




21 weeks with baby girl

Sunday, October 9, 2016


this will be a lazy and short update because i'm tired! and it's late! haha. we had a good weekend. man we needed that. sunshine and family in town. and baby girl kicking and letting me know she's here and ready to party in a few months. xo!

weight gain: 3 pounds 

sleep: super light and anxious sleeper. the usual. kase and hallie woke me up before 6 giggling while riv slept until 7. little stinkers hahah. i love them. :) 

missing: i officially can't eat as much as i want anymore. i was so full after tandoori the other and it was so painful! never again! 

craving: german pancakes. and peanut butter. 

feeling: good and beautiful. it was around this time with river that everything started to get bigger. all my curves fill out even more and i love it! 

gender: girl and we call her by name all the time! it makes me so happy.  

best moment of the week:  family in town! watching river play with his cousins in this beautiful fall weather made me so happy. it's so fun having a house that fits everyone! 

looking forward to: ryan being able to feel baby! 

xoxo 

19 weeks with baby GIRL!

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

It's a girl! We had a hunch. I just feel so happy.  The first time I saw her at 9 weeks and each time I heard her heart beat, I thought girl! But it wasn't as strong as my hunch with River so I wasn't 100% sure. :) It took about 50 minutes for River to show us the goods so I was expecting the same with this sweetie. Well right when she came up on the monitor her legs were spread out with her cute little butt on the screen and the first thing the ultra sound tech said was, "Do you want to know the gender? It's a girl" I ugly cried. I was attached to HER before we knew for sure if she was a girl. I felt connected to her and so did Ryan and I was so nervous going to the appointment, not that I wouldn't have been over the moon if it was a boy, but I had a bond with my girl and it felt so right! We are so grateful. I think this is definitely one of the craziest months of our lives thus far. So many beautiful and good things, and so many extremely heartbreaking mountains to climb. Our new house is slowly getting there! I am so happy to be here. It's so beautiful and I feel so lucky to raise my family in this beautiful home. It was hard to say goodbye our town home on Sunday. Our first home. The community there helped me through the hardest time in my life and helped me enjoy the most beautiful parts of it as well. Yorkshire will always have the most beautiful place in my heart. My family is all at Tony's trial right now. It's horrible. And painful. And I dread when it's all over the news again and all the jerks out there get to gossip and have their insensitive opinion about it all and then go on with their day... Why we are left without Tony. And so much trauma to continue to work through. I want to punch so many people right now. . Can you tell I'm a little angry? A lot angry? And sad. But with all the jerks out there my family has once again been so blessed by so many of the wonderful people of SV. So many wonderful people have stuck by us and supported us. I love our little valley. Back to baby girl! I think we have a name. We had a name that we loved but as soon as we saw her face it didn't fit! Names are so fun. Here's the sweet video had made by the talented Shey Allen. We are so tired in it and happy, and really stressed.. but so happy. And River is just so dang cute in it! haha! I'm so glad we have this video to remind us of everything hard and beautiful right now. Love you guys!

xoxoxo 



Baby Shurtleff | Gender Reveal from Shey Allen Films on Vimeo.


how big is baby: tomato! 

weight gain: 2 pounds 

sleep: is ok! river is sleeping better. woo! 

missing: not much right now.. well i guess running! i mowed our forest of a lawn with river in our hiking pack and it was the biggest workout of my life hahah! so it's nice to be able to stay really active still but running hurts too bad this time around. 

craving: EVERYTHING!

feeling: see above

gender: girl and i kind of want to announce her name now hahah! but we will wait! 

best moment of the week:  see her beautiful face. she looks like riv with her hansen nose and mouth. PRAYING she has ryan's eyes and hair. like you can imagine?

looking forward to: going to SV tomorrow to be with my family. 

19 weeks with baby GIRL!

It's a girl! We had a hunch. I just feel so happy.  The first time I saw her at 9 weeks and each time I heard her heart beat, I thought girl! But it wasn't as strong as my hunch with River so I wasn't 100% sure. :) It took about 50 minutes for River to show us the goods so I was expecting the same with this sweetie. Well right when she came up on the monitor her legs were spread out with her cute little butt on the screen and the first thing the ultra sound tech said was, "Do you want to know the gender? It's a girl" I ugly cried. I was attached to HER before we knew for sure if she was a girl. I felt connected to her and so did Ryan and I was so nervous going to the appointment, not that I wouldn't have been over the moon if it was a boy, but I had a bond with my girl and it felt so right! We are so grateful. I think this is definitely one of the craziest months of our lives thus far. So many beautiful and good things, and so many extremely heartbreaking mountains to climb. Our new house is slowly getting there! I am so happy to be here. It's so beautiful and I feel so lucky to raise my family in this beautiful home. It was hard to say goodbye our town home on Sunday. Our first home. The community there helped me through the hardest time in my life and helped me enjoy the most beautiful parts of it as well. Yorkshire will always have the most beautiful place in my heart. My family is all at Tony's trial right now. It's horrible. And painful. And I dread when it's all over the news again and all the jerks out there get to gossip and have their insensitive opinion about it all and then go on with their day... Why we are left without Tony. And so much trauma to continue to work through. I want to punch so many people right now. . Can you tell I'm a little angry? A lot angry? And sad. But with all the jerks out there my family has once again been so blessed by so many of the wonderful people of SV. So many wonderful people have stuck by us and supported us. I love our little valley. Back to baby girl! I think we have a name. We had a name that we loved but as soon as we saw her face it didn't fit! Names are so fun. Here's the sweet video had made by the talented Shey Allen. We are so tired in it and happy, and really stressed.. but so happy. I'm so glad we have this video to remind us of everything hard and beautiful right now. Love you guys!

xoxoxo 



Baby Shurtleff | Gender Reveal from Shey Allen Films on Vimeo.


how big is baby: tomato! 

weight gain: 2 pounds 

sleep: is ok! river is sleeping better. woo! 

missing: not much right now.. well i guess running! i mowed our forest of a lawn with river in our hiking pack and it was the biggest workout of my life hahah! so it's nice to be able to stay really active still but running hurts too bad this time around. 

craving: EVERYTHING!

feeling: see above

gender: girl and i kind of want to announce her name now hahah! but we will wait! 

best moment of the week:  see her beautiful face. she looks like riv with her hansen nose and mouth. PRAYING she has ryan's eyes and hair. like you can imagine?

looking forward to: going to SV tomorrow to be with my family. 

18 weeks with baby #2

Monday, September 19, 2016


We closed on our new house last week. My mom came Friday and helped with paint prep and my in-laws came Saturday and worked their butts off getting some rooms painted. I'm getting really exciting now that I've see the house more and watching Riv and Kase play in the backyard together makes me SO HAPPY! Having a month to process leaving Yorkshire helped. I'm sentimental sure, and I have a really hard time saying goodbye.. I'm going to miss our neighbors. But the fact that our Yorkshire home was the last place I hugged Tony has been the hardest part of all this. I watched him fold his pizza in half like a weirdo and listened to him laugh while he sat at my kitchen table. It's hard to move on and live somewhere he will never see and I have no memories of him in. It terrifies me that I haven't heard his voice in 21 months. And as I start to look older and move on and live and experience new things. He won't be. He should be here. I know I sound ungrateful to be moving into this beautiful home, but I'm not. I'm very grateful! I can't wait to raise my children here and make so many beautiful memories. I hope to create a home everyone feels welcome in. A home friends, family, and my children can be and feel comfort and peace. I'm so happy to have more room for that! Mikey is already breaking in the basement and filling our house with the smell of hot pockets. Haha. And that makes me really happy. 
xo 


how big is baby: 5.5 in and 5 oz :)

weight gain: i'm back to pre-pregnancy weight because of all the stress of moving and everything going on this month with my family. 

sleep: river has a good 3 week stretch where he was up for HOURS during the night screaming and then up for the day at 5:30 or 6. me and ryan were dying haha. but these past 4 nights he's done so much better! i fell asleep around 9 last night and slept until 7:30! haha! 

missing: the usual. working out hard!

craving: soup. and smoothies. :) my mom's cooking always sounds good too. 

feeling: when i get really stressed while I'm pregnant i can't keep anything down. so i haven't been feeling awesome these past couple weeks! but i feel better than i deserve. 

gender: we are both thinking girl. WE FIND OUT THURSDAY!

best moment of the week:  signing the papers for our house. me and ryan have worked so hard to get to this point. so exciting! 

looking forward to: THURSDAY!

16 weeks with baby number 2

Tuesday, September 6, 2016


We spent the weekend in Laramie for Sagan's wedding. It was just perfect. Watching my best friend walk down the isle looking like an angel and seeing her so happy... It was the best thing. I loved having so much time with Ryan too. We needed a break from real life. Don't we all... haha. But it was so nice. But day 3 I missed River too much. I'm never leaving him again.  Thanks to Nana and Pop Pop for watching our boys! Here we go!

how big is baby: avocado! I'm at the stage of pregnancy where my bump grows and then disappears... It all kind of depends on what I eat!  

weight gain: 2 pounds.

sleep: I had the hardest time sleeping all weekend which is silly! because I didn't have a child keeping me up! but my separation anxiety is real... 

missing: running.. I was able to run my whole pregnancy with Riv! But it's pretty painful this time around. I can still do the stair stepper and bike and stuff. But I miss running! 

craving: EVERYTHING. I can't stop eating. 

feeling: I feel great!  

gender: we are both thinking girl! 

best moment of the week:  seeing my sagan in her beautiful gown. it was magic. 

looking forward to: closing on our new house next week!

15 weeks with baby #2

Sunday, August 28, 2016

hey you guys! i hope you all had the best weekend. we hiked to white pine on saturday. our favorite hike! i realized how out of shape i really am. but we did it! we also took bernie swimming at this fishing hole and i was the weirdo in the swimsuit getting in with him. hahah. but look at that little bump!!! river has never been as cute as he is now. he's never had more attitude either. hahah. I LOVE HIM! ryan and i both said numerous times this weekend.. "dang, he's cute." here's a little baby update. i skipped last week because there weren't any changes from week 13 to 14! but a couple this week so here we go! 

how big is baby: lemon sized! 

weight gain: up 1 pound. 

sleep: pretty great actually! i mean of course i would love to sleep in past the 6:30am wake up call river gives us, but i can't complain. 

missing: being able to work out SUPER HARD! i always say this don't i? hahah.  i can still work out pretty well! i just get super winded, and i haven't been able to run as much this pregnancy because it's uncomfortable running with the stroller! but i have been lifting a lot more and doing sprints at the gym. 

craving: everything. give me all the food. i'm always hungry. always eating. just please no sugar because it makes me sick k?

feeling: pretty great pregnancy wise. and we just won't get into other areas. hahah. 

gender: i think boy most of the time. but we heard baby's heartbeat a few days ago and i thought, "there she is!" just like at the ultra sound too! so who knows! 

best moment of the week:  river being river. and hearing that heartbeat! OH and I FELT THE BABY! If i lay on my stomach in a certain position I can feel it move a tiny bit! 

looking forward to: sagan's wedding in a few days! YAY!!!!!! 

xxooxxoxoxo 

13 weeks with baby number 2!

Sunday, August 14, 2016

It's only been a week since my last post!? K what? That feels like 4 years ago. Because FAIR WEEK! We were partying all week, but also had some crappy things going on too. Because LIFE. So it felt a little long  in the BEST and worst way. I'm tired. But yay for good things to get us through right?! Like laughing with people we love, and hugs.. oh and fair food. HASHTAG FUNNEL CAKES WITH CARMEL. Do you like my bumpdate outfit? hehe. We tie-dyed shirts on Saturday and they turned out so cute! And I probably look tired and a tiny bit out of it, and that's a pretty accurate representation of this moment. I bought some hair extensions. The mermaid length. So I'm feeling pretty fly. I really love my family. And I still am amazed every day with how kind and wonderful Ryan is. He is my hero. And River. Oh that Riv boy. He is hilarious right now. Jabbering and wrestling with a rock, stick, or ball in his hand. He was just as happy as he could be with his cousins all week. Little sweetie! Now for this pregnancy update! 

how big is baby: as big as a peach!! 

weight gain: nothing yet. which is surprising because i ate horrible all week. which is silly of me because it makes me so sick when i eat badly! sugar kills me. 

sleep:  just up once a night to go pee. i just wish i could turn my mind off and go right back to sleep quicker. that's the real struggle. 

missing: working out super hard! and i was so sad i couldn't do spartan with my older siblings yesterday! but of course i'd rather be pregnant. but man.. that FOMO struggle was in full force yesterday. i'm so proud of them for finishing! 

craving: SMOOTHIES! all day every day please! "pom pom soup" (tomato juice and macaroni) and salt and vinegar chips

feeling: when it comes to pregnancy..i'm feeling great. i have super tired and nauseous moments, but it's super manageable. 

gender: i've been saying she for a while, but today i called it a little dude a few times! i just want to know please! 

best moment of the week: seeing river play with his cousins.   

looking forward to: my appt next week! i love hearing that heartbeat. 

xxooxxoxoxo 



12 weeks with baby #2!

Sunday, August 7, 2016



THANK YOU SO MUCH! To all of you for your support and love after our announcement yesterday. I get to do this again?! I feel so grateful. I can't believe it! Being pregnant with River was the most beautiful time in my life. I'm so grateful for that time.. because after he was born were the darkest days of my life.  Life is different now than it was then. So very different. So much harder. And painful. But I'm starting to feel that magic again. The beauty and privilege of growing a life and having a piece of heaven with you always. And I see that magic in River's eyes too. I am grateful. So grateful to be able to be a mom. I was able to see Tony every week of my pregnancy with River. I expanded before his eyes and he was able to meet River brand new straight from heaven and I am so grateful for that time we had together and those memories that will keep me going. On the other hand, I'm feeling some anxiety and heartache because I'm reminded of how beautiful everything was, but how incredibly dark everything was after Tony died and Riv was just days old. I'm ok with feeling both. I need to feel both. The anxiety and depression has had a hold on me the past 8-9 weeks and I'm happy to have dug myself out of it once again and I am just so grateful for the light and love I'm feeling right now. Life is such a fight for happiness. And it's so worth it. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair... because it's not fair. While we all have so many demons to fight.. I'm so grateful for good. Every good thing matters. I am 100% all about celebrating every tiny victory in life. I am so grateful for this beautiful spirit that I have the honor of raising. I know the baby is with Tony now and I love that. Now here it goes! My first pregnancy update for this little one! Yay!!!!!!!! 

how big is baby: as big as a large plum!

weight gain: down a couple pounds! (I was really sick those first few weeks)

sleep: oh my gosh! up until a few days ago... sleep has been so bad! so so so terrible! because of our cute little monster! haha. but he's slept through the night 3 nights in a row now! oh my goodness! so great! i feel like a new woman! i just get up once or twice to pee is all. 

missing: working out super hard! 

craving: drinks! orange juice! and texas roadhouse... those rolls. 

feeling: really good right now. like i said above. it's been a rough summer! i was super sick at first and we struggled with lots of crap....but august is looking up! woo! #fairweek

gender: i was 100% certain river was a boy. knew it from the start. with this one, i have no hunch! when we got our first ultrasound and i looked up i thought, "LOOK AT HER!" but still not certain! i will be happy either way. it would be so fun for riv to have a brother! but a little sissy would be so great! 

best moment of the week: river sleeping in yesterday and today hahah  

looking forward to: sept 28th! i seriously can't wait to see what this baby is! ahhh! and fair week starts tomorrow so that's like the best thing ever!

xxooxxoxoxo 

18 months... a month and a half late!

Monday, August 1, 2016


We love him. We love him. We love him! But..... he is TERRIFYING right now. hahahaha. Exhibit A...up for the day at 3:30am this morning.. Tried for an hour to get him back to sleep... Wasn't having it. Same thing the night before. But it was 4. He's a sassy little dude... that won't sleep. Hasn't had a decent and consistent night's sleep since May. And we are so scared. Hahah. We have tried everything. But some kids... just don't sleep well. But we have high hopes he will get on back track soon... because I'm not sure Ryan and I can handle much more of it. hahaha. (laughing to keep from crying)

Our boy is so smart! (Every parent thinks their child is a genius right? That's just how it should be) So smart that he wants to do everything.. and he understands a lot of what I'm saying.. but he just can't communicate his (very specific and peculiar) needs. So I feel for him. How frustrating would that be!

His favorite word right now is Bernie. We were at Nana and Papa's last week and he was yelling and scolding Bernie for getting too close to the chickens. Bernie is a little scared of River too. Who knew such a tiny person could have this much power? ;)

He still LOVES to explore. Doesn't love the pool like I do.. Prefers Bear Lake, or the river up the canyon. Where he can really focus and throw rocks in the water. And explore without interruption. :)

In the bath he never splashes. He just lines up all of his toys and places them exactly how he wants and then says "all done!" All ready for me to get him out and clothed.

I shut the bathroom drawer the other day with my curling iron cord hanging out of the bottom and he opened the drawer, stuffed the cord in the basket and made sure everything was in it's place.. and then shut the drawer. WHO ARE YOU? Oh wait.. you are RYAN.

He LOVES animals. We walk to the ducks every morning and he sits and studies them for a good 20 minutes. Always cries when it is time to leave them. And waves goodbye through his tears. All the cats in our neighborhood always approach him and he is so gentle with them. My parent's dog Mushu tolerates River.. which is crazy because she is really scared of all kids. But she trusts Riv. He has always been so gentle and respectful to her. Makes me proud.

He loves other kids. He loves flirting with dark haired women. (not kidding) He loves bacon and Nana's pancakes. And I think Kase is his favorite person right now.

Cries when I leave the room and reaches for me when he's sad. Total and complete Mama's boy. More of a possessive love. hahah. He gets super jealous when I hold any other child! Which is adorable in it's own way.

We've spent a lot of the summer being sick. Passing it back and forth. Hoping August is our healthy and happy month!

I am still trying to figure out how to function in this world with such a tender heart. It hurts. I hurt so much lately. I've been so hurt by people I love these past couple months... And they'll never really understand or care? Accepting that is a process.  I'm so hurt by the world. Hurt that other people are hurting. I'm trying to figure out how to stay soft... but still keep my sanity.

I have never doubted my motherhood skills more than I have these past couple months. I'm not the mother I thought I would be. But I'm learning and trying to accept that I'll never be Vandi Hansen. I'm me, Sami Jo Hansen (yaaaaaaa still haven't changed my last name) full of flaws....so many flaws. But full of love too. :) Lots of it.

WE LOVE YOU RIVER.

Please sleep good tonight k?

xo



15 months

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

THIS IS MY FAVORITE AGE EVER!
 I can't even handle how much fun River is right now. It helps that he's sleeping through the night and not waking up before 6 anymore. Who knows when the good sleeping streak will end so I'm going to soak up every minute of not feeling like a zombie lady. 

WE LOVE YOU RIVER!