Hi! My birthday was yesterday and it was grand! I love my birthday. I love having a day where I get to do whatever I want! Haha! 

This year was especially great because Ryan had been gone to Brazil for 10 days and the day he got back I had a wedding and then girls camp. (which was so fun by the way) but we were both looking forward to my birthday weekend for a free weekend to be together! 

We decided to hike up Mount Naomi Saturday morning. Oh my gosh that area is like a dream land.

I bet my heaven will look like that.  We couldn't get to the top because of all the snow. I kind of loved feeling snow on my feet in June. Bernie had the time of his life playing in it. There will be lots of snow in his heaven. It's his favorite. 

I told Ryan another thing I wanted to do on my birthday was swim.  Swim swim swim. I love water so much. Which is kind of weird since I'm kind of the worst swimmer ever. But guess what guys!? I started swimming lessons last week and I've already learned so much. I can even swim without plugging my nose. It's a freakin miracle. But anyways.. we met up with a few friends at the Aquatic Center and I got to have a joint pool party with my friend's sweet little daughter Anna. Kenz even put my name on the cake and made me feel so loved! We swam for 3 hours straight (with a cake break of course) and I went down that amazing slide a few times. I seriously love that place. 

So we ended my birthday with me and Ryan and Tandoori Oven of course. But we had to leave pretty quick because I was literally falling asleep at the table. I fell asleep around 9:15 and it was amazing.

27 feels good! 

15 weeks!

how far along: 15 weeks!

how big is baby: as big as an orange!

weight gain: none yet. 

sleep: i've been sleeping well! i just keep having these super violent dreams that make me think i'm a crazy person! ah! i did have one good dream the other night with a sloth in it.  it was amazing. 

missing: nothing really! i guess when i work out i get tired quicker than usual but it's no biggie. 

craving: mangos! 

feeling: pretty dang good. 2nd trimester/so stoked to be pregnant high! ;) 

gender: i just can't stop calling it him. 

best moment of the week: my birthday yesterday & ryan getting home from brazil! yay!  

looking forward to: 4th of July weekend!!!!

random thoughts:  guys...i went to the store to get stuff for blts and i only bought tomatoes. i've never in my life forgotten to get bacon!! what in the world!? ;) i'm starting to be so forgetful. 

grainy city.

Ryan took this picture of us the night before he left for Brazil.  It's the most grainy, poorly lit photo of us ever, but it's one of my favorites. My favorite place to be is snuggled up laying on Ryan's chest. It's kind of like my happy place. Haha! With him being gone in Brazil for a while (this is the longest we've ever been apart since we've met which seems silly to you all I'm sure.. and even sillier how it feels like it's been FOREVER)  I just love and appreciate our little lives together that much more. The night before he left we had one of those really great summer nights. We went and ate mexican food and then walked around Summerfest. We bought our first toy for baby. A handmade wooden elephant! I'm so drawn to anything elephant for baby. Haha! Then we can home and watched Parks and Recreation and laughed our butts off. I'm really so grateful for my life and the sweet moments in it. It's not perfect.   Sometimes it is really hard. There are some really rough things going on that might never be made whole again. But I've learned that in my life there are always going to be parts of my heart that are broken. Sometimes I handle this well.  I'm strong and positive.. and very hopeful. But sometimes I cry.  I break down. I feel so weak. I feel guilt. Guilt for feeling sad and sorry for myself because oh my gosh so many people have it way worse. I feel guilt because I feel like I'm not doing enough. Guilt is my enemy guys. It's the thing that drags me down the most. I'm trying to prepare myself for the mom guilt that's right around the corner... Hopefully I can keep it under control. Haha! I've learned over the years to snap out of that way of thinking pretty quick. I just have to remind myself to be grateful. Grateful for the pain in life. Grateful for the good. That's what living is right?! Pain and joy. And all I can do is keep loving. Keep caring. Keep trying to not be a crappy person.  I've been told my whole life, "Oh my gosh you care way too much Sami. Stop worrying about everyone else." But I'm never going to stop caring. That's who I am. It's my best quality in fact. So I don't really know where this post is going or how to end it really. I've never been a strong writer and my mind seems always be all over the place. But it feels good to write my random thoughts here. The wonderful thing about this blog/journal is I don't have to be apologetic! I don't give a crap about my grammar errors or if my thoughts are jumbled or if it's too mushy. Because whoever reads this is choosing to. And really...who is actually going to take the time to?  I'm guessing Ryan, my Mom, Sagan, and my sisters every once in a while? Ya.... that sounds about right. Hi guys I love you! 

xo 

14 weeks!

how far along: 14 weeks!

how big is baby: as big as a lemon!

weight gain: none yet. 

sleep: i haven't been sleeping good at all, but i think it's because i have a hard time sleeping without my ryan. nothing to do with pregnancy really. 

missing: being able to run on 6 hours of sleep or less just fine. it totally kills me now! 

craving: hash browns and sausage! 

feeling: good. just missing ryan blah blah blah. 

gender: boy! boy! (we won't know until July 28th though) i'm just so sure! ;) 

best moment of the week: being with my family in wyoming. bike riding with kase last night. 

looking forward to: ryan getting home. TUESDAY!

random thoughts: a couple weeks ago right after i announced we were pregnant (when i was showing even less than i am now) this gal said to me, "oh my gosh how have you been able to hide that big bump for so long?" it was confusing to me. just you wait lady! you have no idea what big is. ;) hahah! 

my furry child.

I had a photo shoot on Thursday with one of my bestest friends and her hubs in beautiful Bear Lake. It was freezing.  So of course there was not a soul in sight on the beautiful beach. So I let Bernie run free. He ran around like the crazy little puppy that he is. Rolling in the sand, swimming in the water and chasing seagulls. As we snapped pictures he was having the time of his life. I decided to have Tia and Mike sit down for a couple of the shots and Bernie thought this meant play time for him and Tia. He just ran over an tackled her and got her so wet and dirty. She just laughed. That's what is so great about Miss Tia. Best attitude ever. I sure love her. So does Bernie. 

That night was good. Dogs are the best. Bernie is always so happy and just so stoked about everything. He's the best furry child ever and my bestest little buddy! 

4 years of marriage with this hunk. lucky me! 

13 weeks yo.

i've decided to start a blog so i could document life a little easier. why is it so hard for me to write in a journal?? anyways.. i still can't believe i'm pregnant. i'm just still so excited and so grateful for all of the wonderful support we have received. ok so here we go! first post! 

13 weeks!! 

how big is baby: as big as a peach! how cute is that!? 

weight gain: 0 pounds so far. that'll change soon ;)

sleep: I have the weirdest most darkest creepiest dreams of all time. other than that sleep is normal! i'm still a night owl and an early bird. 

missing: my nightly boiling hot baths. 

craving: fruit and handi-snacks breadsticks and cheese. haha! 

feeling: so wonderful. i have way more energy now and i'm just so happy about being pregnant. 

gender: i'm like 99% sure it's a boy. ry thinks i'm a nut. 

best moment of the week: hearing the heartbeat yesterday at my appt.  

looking forward to: ryan getting home from the world cup, girls camp, and my birthday next week! i love my birthday.