it's a........

Monday, July 28, 2014

Ryan & Sami Jo | Gender Reveal from Nicole Traveller on Vimeo.

Today was one of those I'll remember forever. I started the day in Bear Lake with my sister and her kiddies. We rode jet skis and paddle boarded and it was a perfect way to make the day zoom by.

My Dad was in Logan running some errands and I called him before our appointment and asked him to come to the hospital and wait in the waiting room so he could be the first to know! He's the kind of guy that doesn't want to step on any toes so I had to kind of make him come, but it was so much fun having him there and I could tell he loved being there too.

I was like a 7 year old child on Christmas morning when we got to the hospital. My cheeks hurt from smiling and I was skipping around like a crazy person. When they FINALLY called our name to go back I practically ran to the ultra sound room.

Right when we got into the room I started to panic a bit. I've been really excited but also really worried. I really was hoping baby was healthy because that's what we all want for our kids when it comes down to it right?  When baby showed up on the screen I blurted out, "Does the baby look ok? Is he healthy? Is there anything wrong?" I was shaking pretty bad and squeezing Ryan's hand really hard but once I saw his cute little head, his long skinny legs and his perfectly beating heart I started to calm down and I went back to being excited and happy. I loved our ultra sound tech. She made me feel comfortable and not like a crazy person that I was. She laughed with us and really made the experience so great. I love you Kate! She kept saying that it was about time she had a stinker on her hands. She's had a lot of cooperative babies recently and he kind of broke the groove. I was so proud for some reason. You keep on breaking molds little buddy!  He was moving around like a mad man and it made me so happy that he's already a little punk.  I've just always pictured myself raising a house full of boys, and I've always pictured them to be super wild and crazy. Just happy chaos. Ok so it finally came time to do the gender scan. Our little guy was being so stubborn and that dang cord was right between his legs. She tried for 20 minutes and then she had me go walk around and use the bathroom. (I even did jumping jacks in the bathroom stall) We came back and tried again and it was the same story. She thought it was a boy but wasn't 100%. Luckily we were the last appointment of the day so she had me leave again and walk around. She said this had only happened to her once before. Ryan and I thought it was so fitting that our child was already being stubborn. I was so proud of our little man.  I was doing lunges and jumping jacks and talking to my belly telling baby to pull his crap together. 45 minutes later and the 3rd and final try he finally decided to be cooperative. Boy! For sure a boy! I knew it. I knew this sweet little babe was a boy from the start. I can't wait to have a mini Ryan guys. Long haired little sweetheart. My Dad took us out to Chuck a Rama and we chatted and ate and celebrated. It really was the best day.

Thanks so much Nicole (Traveller Films)  for shooting this video right after our doctors appointment! It really shows how stoked we are and I love you so much!

19 weeks!

Sunday, July 27, 2014

how far along: 19 weeks! neighbor kids saw us taking pictures and ran over to ask if they could play with bernie. i love where we live. 

how big is baby: 6 inches and as big as a mango! my favorite fruit!

weight gain: 3 pounds. 

sleep: k i figured out the main reason i haven't been able to sleep. i'm so anxious for our gender scan tomorrow! ahhh! 

missing: nothing really.

craving: chocolate milk. wait i'm craving everything. i'm always hungry. 

feeling: good this week! yay! 

gender: we find out tomorrow. TOMORROW! still thinking boy and ryan still thinks i'm a nut for being soo sure. ;) 

best moment of the week: i'm like 99% sure i felt baby this week. 

looking forward to: tomorrow. 4:30pm! 

random thoughts:

-we got a warning from HOA because someone (who just moved in) reported Bernie being off leash because she was frightened for her children. i mean i get where she's coming from because there's lots of means dogs out there but really? bernie? he's the sweetest teddy bear goof there is. your children are wusses. ;) 

-my boobs. holy cow they just keep getting bigger. i really don't mind at all though! haha! i've always loved my curves. 

-for some reason i'm really excited to be 20 weeks pregnant on friday. i just feel like it's a huge milestone! half way! 

-my belly still isn't really at the oh-you-are-definitely-pregnant-and-just-not-bloated-stage, but i'm ok with it. i know i'll have plenty of time to feel big and pregnant. haha! 

ohh hi. just pouring my heart out over here.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

^^^^^^^^ All the Hansen siblings with our fake smiles!^^^^^^^^^^

I've been wanting to write my thoughts on our pregnancy journey (that sounds so corny) for a while now. I'm just such a horrible writer so it's hard for me to express it just how I'd like. If only I could take a picture that would somehow tell our whole little story.  (I apologize in advance for the grammatical errors,  especially to Chelsi Robin, Jodie, and Sagan. I know how bad you hate that! hahah)  But as I sit here at 3:20am not being able to sleep. (Bernie woke me up at 2am breathing in my face like a big creeper)  I thought hey, I guess I can write that blog post I've been meaning to do for a while. I want to preface this post by saying that everything I write here is what I feel has been right for us.  I'm not saying my way is the only right way and every other way is wrong.  I have friends in my life that have no interest in having kids and want 5 dogs, friends that would do anything to be able to get pregnant.  I have friends and family that have adopted and some that have no interest in adopting. I have friends that have one child and aren't interested in having another. I have family and friends that have started their families with the help of modern medicine and a wonderful friend that has 12 kids and rocks it! I strongly believe in doing whatever feels right for YOU. And I'm aware that some pregnancies are so rough and terrifying and I've been lucky that I've had a healthy one so far so it's a lot easier for me to be so positive about the experience.  I just wanted to let that be known before our pour out my thoughts. And one more thing... Thanks so much to all you sweethearts for being so happy for us. I tear up when I read all of your nice comments. 

I've always known I've wanted to be a mom. Always. Growing up with 6 siblings and dozens of foster kids in and out of our home, watching my mom love and nurture each one of us was so inspiring. She's always just poured her heart into people. She's my hero and she taught me to love others and try to find out their story and to look for the good in them. Her and my dad taught me to love life even when it was sucky and they constantly reminded all of us how lucky we all were to have each other.  My mama gave birth to 4 of her children and 3 of her children are adopted. So it's pretty obvious that adoption has blessed my life so much. Every time I think about my 3 youngest siblings I just have an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and it's hard for me to not get emotional. Oh I can't even bare to think of what life would be without them. I always cringe when people ask, "So which ones are your real brothers and sisters?" From the moment I saw them I knew they were 100% meant to be my family. Adoption is one of my greatest blessings and I'm so passionate about it. 

So shortly after we got married I said to Ryan, "Ok lets start this adoption process!" Haha. If only it was that easy right? For reasons I probably won't understand until further in life the timing just wasn't right for us. After being married for a couple years we felt that it was time for us to start trying to get pregnant and try to start out family that way.  I told myself when we started trying that I wasn't going to let this control my life. I didn't want to become bitter and wish my life away. I wanted to enjoy and appreciate my life pregnant or not.  I had so much to be grateful for so every month that I wasn't pregnant I let myself be sad for a little bit and then I made myself move on. I'm not saying it was super easy and I was just always super stoked about life all the time. I think the hardest thing for me during the process was when I would hear women complain about pregnancy and constantly listing the negative things about it.  That always hurt my heart and still does. I also hated when people asked me why I didn't have kids or when I was going to and then when they found out that we were trying they would offer me all this advice on how to get pregnant. Like we didn't know how to have sex right or something? haha! So we kept trying with no luck and because I knew I never wanted to take fertility medication or do in-vitro or anything like that (I would rather put our money towards adoption) I just kind of accepted that I most likely was not going to experience pregnancy. A few more months went by and my mom kept bugging me to go to the doctor any way just to make sure I was healthy. So I finally went and everything was normal thanks goodness. I found out 3 days later I was pregnant! I took 5 pregnancy test and even texted my friend Ashley a picture asking if they really were positive. Haha. She knew I was pregnant before Ryan did. (love you Ash) 

Every single day of this pregnancy feels like a gift.  I've had some of my very close friends lose babies through miscarriages and preterm labor. I have family and close friends in my life that have been trying for years to get pregnant, and I know of a couple women who are still in that adoption process trying their hardest to get their sweet child. So for me I've always made a goal that if I was able to get pregnant that I would cherish every single moment and try my damnedest to always be positive.  And even when things got hard, I told myself I would only vent to Ryan and my mama. Because during my process the words of negativity just got to me so bad and I always have those women in my mind who are still waiting for their chance. I know my posts about pregnancy might seem over the top cheesy and maybe a little tooooo rainbows and cupcakes. But with all the heartache and pain in life, this little baby in my belly and my pregnancy is one of the things that is a constant comfort and reminder of how sweet life is. I'm not sure why I'm getting this opportunity and some people don't. I don't deserve it more and it's not because I'm more blessed or said more prayers or anything like that.  I'm not sure why. I felt guilty about it at first and still do, but I try to quickly switch over to being grateful.

Sometimes I get scared to raise my kids in this crazy world. But then I think of my parents. I've learned so much from them. k duh... But what has been standing out to me recently is to love your kids like crazy. Unconditionally. Teach them how to live the best way you know how. And when parenting sucks and you feel you have failed..... Like sucks so bad you want to sell all your kids and move to Figi, you just keep on going. Try your best every day. And don't listen or argue with the idiots that criticize you and judge what you are doing. Those people are weenies. 

I have more thoughts and feelings about this subject but I think this is good for now. I'm starting to get tired and if you are still reading this I'm sure you are too. ;) 

Life is beautiful. The end.


18 Weeks!

Friday, July 18, 2014

how far along: 18 weeks!  

how big is baby: 5.5 inches and 5 oz! (i'm done comparing my baby to fruits and veggies haha)

weight gain: still at 2 pounds.  

sleep: i haven't been sleeping well but that's kind of always been a problem for me.  i like to stay up late and i can't sleep past 7:30. ryan is always trying to help me with my bad habits! haha. 

missing: hmmm.... sushi i guess? i can't really think of anything else right now. 

craving: macaroni and tomato juice. i eat it almost every day for lunch! 

feeling: this month i've been most the most sick since i've been pregnant i think. but really i don't mind. it kind of makes the pregnancy feel more real.  it's just headaches, nausea, and cramping (which is called round ligament pain and is super normal thank goodness. i learned about it at the doctors this week!) it's all been super manageable though so i can't complain!

gender: we find out in a little over a week. ahhhh! so exciting. 

best moment of the week: hearing baby's heartbeat and ryan getting tickets to jim gaffigan for this fall. i can't wait to laugh for 2 hours straight. i'll be around 8 months pregnant so i might wear a diaper so i don't have to get up and pee. i don't want to miss any of it!!  

looking forward to: our gender scan and ultra sound. can't wait to see that little baby on that screen! oh my gosh i'm gonna bawl my eyes out. 

random thoughts:

-my belly is getting so much bigger! it's so exciting! 

-i can't wait to adopt one day.  hopefully sooner than later. #ilovebabies #andadoption #andpotatochips

-i'm just really grateful for ryan.

17 weeks!

Sunday, July 13, 2014

how far along: 17 weeks!  

how big is baby: as big as a turnip (this reminds me of this random guy on parks and rec whose cats name is turnip) 

weight gain: 2 pounds. yay growing baby! 

sleep: normal. weird. all over the place. (this was my life before pregnancy too though) 

missing: nothing really this week. this is fun!  

craving: potato chips every dang day. 

feeling: after being in the sun for 3 days straight last weekend i had a massive headache all week.  can i just say i'm so grateful for ryan? he takes such good care of me when i'm not feeling well. always. not just since i've been pregnant. i went to star valley on friday and had a photo shoot in the cold rain and my headache finally went away and i felt a million times better. yay! wyoming (and being with my mama) heals alllllllllll! i've been more tired and hungry this week which makes me really happy because i feel like baby is hitting a growth spurt. how cute! 

gender: we find out in 2 weeks. holy crap!  (i'm still thinking boy!)

best moment of the week: feeling so much support from people for my business. i'm seriously so grateful. 

looking forward to: ryan waking up from his nap. haha! 

random thoughts: 

-this week was a rough one. not pregnancy related. just life is confusing and hurtful sometimes and i'm just at a loss with how to handle some things. 

-i got home late last night from work and i was feeling pretty low (not from work, my wedding was wonderful) but i walked in the house and ryan had cleaned and done some chores i've been meaning to get to and just haven't had time to do, and there was also a little present and note from a neighbor waiting for me.  i just started crying and saying, "people are so nice. that is so nice of shayna. that is so nice of you. you are so nice to me. thanks so much for being nice. people are so nice!" ryan hugged me and laughed while i cried for a bit. (by the way.. i've always been like this, it's not just pregnancy hormones hahah) 

-i love my parents. they are super heroes. 

-i love the young women at my church. so much! best calling ever. 

-we were able to have my nephew kase stay with us for a couple days this week and he's so wonderful, smart, funny, and sweet. gosh i love him! 

16 weeks!

Sunday, July 6, 2014

how far along: 16 weeks! 4 months! woo. 

how big is baby: as big as an avocado. i love that baby is getting bigger! 

weight gain: 1 pound!  

sleep: i didn't sleep this week when we were camping because my paranoia has sky rocketed and i thought we were going to be eaten by hungry bears. haha!

missing: sleeping on my belly. it's starting to hurt just a bit! 

craving: watermelon and mexican food. but honestly, i've always loved food and i've always loved mexican food and watermelon so i don't really think pregnancy has anything to do with this. haha!

feeling: pretty good. i've been having some bad body images thoughts which is so lame. i'm so proud of my body for being healthy and growing a human so i hate that i'm hard on it sometimes. being frustrated with how i look is such a waste of energy. this week i'll be better! i know it! 

gender: we find out in 3 weeks! but really i'm not in a huge hurry. i don't want to wish this pregnancy away!

best moment of the week: singing the star spangled banner as a ward in church today. i'm just so proud to be an american!  

looking forward to: tonight. ryan is making hashbrowns and bacon! yessss.

random thoughts: i love my dog. i ugly cried when we dropped him off at the dog boarding place on friday. it was only for one day, but he whined so loud when we left!  (i know i know it'll be worse and harder when i leave my kids one day blah blah) ;)