12 weeks with baby #2!

Sunday, August 7, 2016

THANK YOU SO MUCH! To all of you for your support and love after our announcement yesterday. I get to do this again?! I feel so grateful. I can't believe it! Being pregnant with River was the most beautiful time in my life. I'm so grateful for that time.. because after he was born were the darkest days of my life.  Life is different now than it was then. So very different. So much harder. And painful. But I'm starting to feel that magic again. The beauty and privilege of growing a life and having a piece of heaven with you always. And I see that magic in River's eyes too. I am grateful. So grateful to be able to be a mom. I was able to see Tony every week of my pregnancy with River. I expanded before his eyes and he was able to meet River brand new straight from heaven and I am so grateful for that time we had together and those memories that will keep me going. On the other hand, I'm feeling some anxiety and heartache because I'm reminded of how beautiful everything was, but how incredibly dark everything was after Tony died and Riv was just days old. I'm ok with feeling both. I need to feel both. The anxiety and depression has had a hold on me the past 8-9 weeks and I'm happy to have dug myself out of it once again and I am just so grateful for the light and love I'm feeling right now. Life is such a fight for happiness. And it's so worth it. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair... because it's not fair. While we all have so many demons to fight.. I'm so grateful for good. Every good thing matters. I am 100% all about celebrating every tiny victory in life. I am so grateful for this beautiful spirit that I have the honor of raising. I know the baby is with Tony now and I love that. Now here it goes! My first pregnancy update for this little one! Yay!!!!!!!! 

how big is baby: as big as a large plum!

weight gain: down a couple pounds! (I was really sick those first few weeks)

sleep: oh my gosh! up until a few days ago... sleep has been so bad! so so so terrible! because of our cute little monster! haha. but he's slept through the night 3 nights in a row now! oh my goodness! so great! i feel like a new woman! i just get up once or twice to pee is all. 

missing: working out super hard! 

craving: drinks! orange juice! and texas roadhouse... those rolls. 

feeling: really good right now. like i said above. it's been a rough summer! i was super sick at first and we struggled with lots of crap....but august is looking up! woo! #fairweek

gender: i was 100% certain river was a boy. knew it from the start. with this one, i have no hunch! when we got our first ultrasound and i looked up i thought, "LOOK AT HER!" but still not certain! i will be happy either way. it would be so fun for riv to have a brother! but a little sissy would be so great! 

best moment of the week: river sleeping in yesterday and today hahah  

looking forward to: sept 28th! i seriously can't wait to see what this baby is! ahhh! and fair week starts tomorrow so that's like the best thing ever!


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