18 months... a month and a half late!

Monday, August 1, 2016

We love him. We love him. We love him! But..... he is TERRIFYING right now. hahahaha. Exhibit A...up for the day at 3:30am this morning.. Tried for an hour to get him back to sleep... Wasn't having it. Same thing the night before. But it was 4. He's a sassy little dude... that won't sleep. Hasn't had a decent and consistent night's sleep since May. And we are so scared. Hahah. We have tried everything. But some kids... just don't sleep well. But we have high hopes he will get on back track soon... because I'm not sure Ryan and I can handle much more of it. hahaha. (laughing to keep from crying)

Our boy is so smart! (Every parent thinks their child is a genius right? That's just how it should be) So smart that he wants to do everything.. and he understands a lot of what I'm saying.. but he just can't communicate his (very specific and peculiar) needs. So I feel for him. How frustrating would that be!

His favorite word right now is Bernie. We were at Nana and Papa's last week and he was yelling and scolding Bernie for getting too close to the chickens. Bernie is a little scared of River too. Who knew such a tiny person could have this much power? ;)

He still LOVES to explore. Doesn't love the pool like I do.. Prefers Bear Lake, or the river up the canyon. Where he can really focus and throw rocks in the water. And explore without interruption. :)

In the bath he never splashes. He just lines up all of his toys and places them exactly how he wants and then says "all done!" All ready for me to get him out and clothed.

I shut the bathroom drawer the other day with my curling iron cord hanging out of the bottom and he opened the drawer, stuffed the cord in the basket and made sure everything was in it's place.. and then shut the drawer. WHO ARE YOU? Oh wait.. you are RYAN.

He LOVES animals. We walk to the ducks every morning and he sits and studies them for a good 20 minutes. Always cries when it is time to leave them. And waves goodbye through his tears. All the cats in our neighborhood always approach him and he is so gentle with them. My parent's dog Mushu tolerates River.. which is crazy because she is really scared of all kids. But she trusts Riv. He has always been so gentle and respectful to her. Makes me proud.

He loves other kids. He loves flirting with dark haired women. (not kidding) He loves bacon and Nana's pancakes. And I think Kase is his favorite person right now.

Cries when I leave the room and reaches for me when he's sad. Total and complete Mama's boy. More of a possessive love. hahah. He gets super jealous when I hold any other child! Which is adorable in it's own way.

We've spent a lot of the summer being sick. Passing it back and forth. Hoping August is our healthy and happy month!

I am still trying to figure out how to function in this world with such a tender heart. It hurts. I hurt so much lately. I've been so hurt by people I love these past couple months... And they'll never really understand or care? Accepting that is a process.  I'm so hurt by the world. Hurt that other people are hurting. I'm trying to figure out how to stay soft... but still keep my sanity.

I have never doubted my motherhood skills more than I have these past couple months. I'm not the mother I thought I would be. But I'm learning and trying to accept that I'll never be Vandi Hansen. I'm me, Sami Jo Hansen (yaaaaaaa still haven't changed my last name) full of flaws....so many flaws. But full of love too. :) Lots of it.


Please sleep good tonight k?



  1. So real... so sweet! Your Riv is precious and so are you Sami. Just so you know, I think all mother's feel inadequate and hope to someday be like their moms haha! You will be perfect in the eyes of your children...'cause you are perfect just how you are.

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