36 weeks with baby #3

Helloooooooo week 36! It feels like week 38 because Bernie is following me around like he does days before labor and she's dropping low and I'm contracting and I'm so very ready! But jeez I feel like a goddess. The most beautiful I ever feel is the 3rd trimester of pregnancy. It's a glowy and painful time! hhaaaa. This pregnancy is very similar to my other 2. Except no back pain this time guys! Knock on wood. My other 2 pregnancy there was a dark period where I could barely walk for about 4 weeks...  THANK YOU YOGA AND MASSAGES! I do yoga about 3 times today...5 minute increments. It's done wonders! I've always splurged and gotten at least 1 massage a month.  In the mornings I feel smaller and comfortable... in the evenings I feel like I can barely freakin move. I'm so hungry but whenever I eat it HURTS. I've gained 15 pounds. I'm moody. I'm grateful. I'm very emotional. I have 4 shoots next week and 2 the week of Thanksgiving and them I'm on maternity leave! Woooohooooo! We will see if I make it until then. Ya never know. I really feel like she's coming early. River and Golden are finally starting to play together! They've been forced to be more independent with me at the end of my pregnancy and I'm so glad they figured out that being kind to each other is the way to do it. A friend for life! I'm in full blown nesting mode. Like OCD about it. I'm always cleaning. Always making lists and checking things off. I'm pretty much just an exaggerated version of myself except I'm unable to work out and sweat out the crazy. So it gets tricky. I'm happy. I'm soaking it up. I'm ready. I love you baby girl. I love you body. Thanks for growing these children. 

27 weeks with baby #3

I made it! This pregnancy has had some ups and some major downs. It's been a fight and a struggle like a lot of stages of motherhood but for the fast few weeks I've been feeling so much better and stronger emotionally. The last part of pregnancy is my absolute favorite and I made it! We did it! I say we because I've had SO MUCH support from my husband mainly and my family and beautiful friends. I could not do motherhood without this freakin village. I've gained a good solid 10 pounds. I've been battling body images issues and feeling frustrated with my energy level... but I'm meeting that with self-compassion and that's ALWAYS the answer. I'm always hungry and always always always THIRSTY. River and Golden have come a long way this summer. They are playing together! Guys! This is huge!!!!!! I just feel so lucky to have these babies. So lucky. (and a lot overwhelmed) but SO lucky. This time of year is my favorite. Routine is just my favorite and fall and holidays and cozy-ness! Ahhhhh I'm just so in love. We are going on a 2 week trip, flying out Friday. Should be fun with lots of interesting experiences mixed in because.... toddlers.... and pregnancy.... and a pink-haired girl that struggles with flying + vacationing.. (Thank you anxiety, you are so fun) But I'm going to try my hardest to soak it alllllll in. 

20 weeks with baby #3!

A pregnancy update! It's taken me a lot longer to get around to doing this for this pregnancy. 

I'm just not sure if I'm ready or want to be vulnerable about how difficult this pregnancy has been for me. So I'll keep it simple. I'm not ready to go into details. :) Physically I feel great. But emotionally it's been extremely hard. There's such a stigma on mental illness that even after all these years of being open about it I'm just too fragile to talk to much about it right now. It's very painful and lonely.  I have felt judged. I have felt weak.  I feel extremely frustrated. I've found myself withdrawing. But I'm here. One day at a time. Trying not to do the "Sami Jo, you should be so happy you have everything you need to be happy." Because shaming doesn't help.. imagine that! 

I've gained  6-7 pounds depending on the day. I've gotten bigger so much faster with this one! I am in my 30s.. and it is my 3rd pregnancy. But it still surprises me! haha! 

I'm hungry always. If I could have Tandoori Oven every night. That would be the ideal hahah! 

Work is good. Trying to slow down a bit! With this pregnancy being a surprise I had a lot on my books already so I've had to cancel a few things. 

Yoga is the reason my body feels so good! It's never felt this good pregnant! 

I can't believe it's a girl! hahah! I was SO wrong! I let myself be human the day we found out and I cried over the boy I had in my heart. But I woke up the next day stoked. Another girl. I think she's going to be wild and free like mama. 

I've finalized her name in my head. Ryan doesn't know it yet haha. He likes to wait of course. I like to plan of course. It's gone my way for the last 2 so I'm pretty confident this is it for her! ;) 

That's all for now. Hopefully the next update will be a little more upbeat. But just keeping it real ya know?! 

I love her. I love my kids. Gotta work on being nicer to myself now. 

xoxo 

One year with Golden.

 

Hey Golds! 

Let me tell you a little bit about your first year on this beautiful Earth! 

You were breech most of the pregnancy, flipped 2 days before your scheduled c-section and I went into labor hours later.  You came out screaming.. so loud! You cried for 40 minutes and then didn't cry again for a month I swear. Ha! 

Your first night home was rough. And then you slept through the night every night after that with a few bad nights here and there. Seriously a champion sleeper like Dad. 

You have always been a very content child as long as you are close to the people you love. 

You started giving me smiles when you were 2 weeks old. You've always looked at me like you've always known me. The first six months of your life you didn't want to be anywhere other then my arms. Oh sweetheart. It was hard on your Dad, but gosh I needed that. You healed parts of my heart that were so broken. 

Once you turned 6 months you started to realize how comforting Dads arms were. You are so cute because if me and Dad are in the same room you take turns reaching for both of us. Haha! 

You have always been River's #1 fan. He kind of does his own thing, but any interaction he'll give you is magic for you. 

You have always been SO SMILEY! You and River have always had the brightest smiles. My sunshine babies. 

You love music. 

When we are out and about you get comments about your blue eyes and how tiny you are. 

You love throwing stuff off of your high chair. Especially your bottle! It's so annoying. Haha! 

Your favorite game is picking up toys and handing them to whoever is closest to you. 

You are a lot more assertive than River was when you play. River takes his time and likes it done right. You are a little more free. 

You are definitely an introvert, but you love people so much. It just takes you a while to get comfortable. Just like Dad! I love that about you. You prefer men over women for sure! The gruffer looking the dude the better! haha! Anytime I pass you off to a chick you cry, you're always pretty comfortable when a male is holding you. It's so funny. 

You can say, hi, yay, mama, dada (first word), baba, and uh-oh and can sign "more" and "all done"

You still suck that thumb! 

Nurse once a day (I can't stop! You are fine either way)

You are absolute magic. 

my babes.

Golden Jay. One month old. She loves her sleep and hates being woke up. Is happy as long as she is being held and snuggled. Hates being put down! Loves to watch Bernie and her older brother. Has starting giving me really big smiles about once a day. They are GOLD! ;) Grunts and grunts and grunts. Hates her carseat. Loves to nurse. Has such a calming spirit about her. Looks like her dad with River's (her mom's) mouth. She is so very loved! 

 River is talking like crazy and says the cutest things. This morning Ryan gave me a long kiss goodbye and he said to Ryan as he was walking away, "Kiss mommy again please daddy..." His favorite food is Nutella. Thinks Goldie is "Sooo toot" but doesn't ever want to hold her. He's cautious and a rule follower which makes life a lot easier for me. He's a total extrovert and loves playing with "friends". Bosses Bernie around. His favorite color is pink. Always has 2 dinosaurs  in his hands. Asks for her dinosaurs as soon as he wakes up. His favorite show is Land Before Time. Loves our daily walks and could play with rocks for hours. He's a mama's boy for sure but loves wrestling with daddy. I'm the luckiest mom in the world. 

38 weeks with baby girl

Almost there!!! 

And I'm feeling it! Feeling it all. 

I like being pregnant so much.. and the newborn stage is such a challenge for me... Which means that most of my pregnancy I've just felt content with being pregnant forever. I remember feeling like that with River too and then the last couple weeks hit and the pain and the uncomfortable stuff comes in full force and it kind of forces you in the mind set of wanting them here... now! haha. That's where we are. I have been in a lot of pain... and really I can tell it's my body telling me to slow the crap down. But I hate resting. So much. hahah. Bernie has been especially protective and will not leave my side. It's adorable. He knows She will be here next week! How wild is that?! It's really hard for me to process anything until it's right in front of me.. staring me in the face. haha! So I won't believe she's real until she's in my arms. It's funny River hasn't shown interest in babies much.  He thinks they are cute and then moves on. But yesterday we were out to eat and he was just fixated on this baby boy! Wouldn't stop staring and saying, "Oh cute!" And asked if he could go say hi. He walked over the table and just waved and smiled. It was adorable. I think he won't hate her after all. Hahahah. I am soaking up every minute with it just being me and my boy. He is just the sweetest these days and I know I'm going to bawl my eyes out (in the car hopefully so he doesn't see) when we leave for the hospital. It's a beautiful and sad change to have him become the big brother. But I'm really excited to see their bond form. I'm really excited to see Ryan with her. She is so lucky to have a father like him. Only one more update after this and then she'll be here! 

xo

37 weeks with baby girl

baby size: around 6 pounds! she feels a lot smaller than Riv did at this time.  

weight gain: 15 pounds  

sleep: so so bad. haha. i was so anxious about Photo Native and slept pretty horrible at the hotel too! 

missing: wearing jeans! and working out. 

craving: smoothies! grapefruit, oranges...blueberries! 

feeling: really good. just reallly really really tired. ha. 

gender: little sweet girl. 

best moment of the week: having the oppurtonity to speak at photo native and just soak in all the inspiration from everyone there. it was so great to speak about something i'm so passionate about.. i was able to stand on the stage with this baby girl in my belly.. and i was able to talk about how much tony influences my work.. i feel so grateful! 

looking forward to: brunch with my friends tomorrow! 

36 weeks with baby girl

 baby size: around 6 pounds! ahh! 

weight gain: 15 pounds  

sleep: a little bit better than it has been the past couple weeks! still waking up 3-4 times. 

missing: wearing jeans! and working out. 

craving: ice water, smoothies! smoothies! sushi, orange juice. fruit. same old!  

feeling: really great. like a goddess! i really love being pregnant.  i'm uncomfortable, and get cramps down my legs like crazy. but my back is so much better that i really can't complain! 

gender: little sweet girl. 

best moment of the week: being with Ryan all weekend while his parents watched Riv. It was so great! 

looking forward to: photo native this week! my last week of work before maternity leave! so crazy! 

35 weeks with baby girl

We are getting so close! I still have lots to do and lots of soaking up all the one on one time with my boy i can get! So 5 weeks feels just about right. :) 

baby size: 5.5 pounds! ahhhh! 

weight gain: 15 pounds  

sleep: so bad still! haha! but yay for River sleeping well!!!  I'm up at 12...1, and 2... and then most nights I'm wide awake from 3-5. And I'm pretty sure I drink about a gallon of water every night... I wake up dying of thirst hahah! It's the weirdest. 

missing: working out and being able to move and play with river like i want to! i had to watch the boys sled today which is so hard! but i'll be back at it in no time... :)

craving: ice water, smoothies! smoothies! sushi, orange juice. always. 

feeling: my back is SO MUCH BETTER! thanks to my amazing chiro and lots of stretching and massages and listening to all my girls advice on how to deal with this sciatic pain. i'm still slow moving and in a good amount of pain but it's a lot better. my legs will give out randomly and i'll screech in pain from time to time... it used to scare ryan and riv but we are all just kind of getting used to it! haha. 

gender: girl.... i still can't wrap my head around it. haha. 

best moment of the week: seeing her big cheeks at our ultrasound. i'm measuring small (i measured small around this time with Riv too) so we were able to see her! she looks like ryan to me! yay! she's growing nice and good. she is breech right now so we are hoping that changes sooner than later. :) 

looking forward to: seeing my parents tomorrow. 

34 weeks with baby girl!

baby size: around 5 pounds! waaaa!  

weight gain: 15 pounds! 

sleep: it's pretty bad! super restless and uncomfortable with this back pain! poor ryan.. i'm sure i'm horrible to share a bed with. 

missing: being able to move well! (sounds dramatic i know hahah) i'm still walking a ton because i go crazy if i'm not active. it makes my back a little worse but it's worth it. 

craving: ice water, smoothies! smoothies! sushi, orange juice. the usual! 

feeling: i can't believe how similar this pregnancy is from my last! with riv this was when my back went out and i started to be in so much pain. i just suffered through it last time but this time i'm trying everything to help! it's good though because i've been terrified (but grateful) to have this little girl and now i'm definitely more ready. 

gender: girl. i love her. i can't wait to see ryan with her. 

best moment of the week: some good family news yesterday. i haven't stopped crying and feeling so grateful. 

looking forward to: this weekend! last free weekend for a while! 

Photos by Pierson Photo Company

Our sweet boy turns 2 on Thursday!  He loves planes, motorcycles, finding bugs around the house and squashing them with his fingers and then flushing them down the toilet. He LOVES Mickey Mouse, singing,  and exploring. He is cautious and thoughtful. When he plays with his toys he sits and really focuses. He loves fake falling and waits for me to ask all dramatic, "Are you alright?" And he says, "yesssssss! alright!" He's obsessed with wrestling and I'm the most awkward person when it comes to rough housing so I make him wait until Daddy gets home for that. He asks for kisses and snuggles in the morning. After I dyed my hair pink he looked up and said to me, "Mommy cuuute!" Favorite food is anything with sugar. Which I hate. It totally stresses me out.  I blame Nana for the sugar love. ;) When he gets really excited and happy he grits his teeth and gives us the biggest crooked smile. Some cute phrases he says right now, "Where are you?" "Uh oh.. fall down!" "I wuv you." "Bernie! COME! Lay DOWN!" "Watch a show one?" 'More fruit snacks?" He makes up so happy. And so tired. Has a hard time with sleep. And when he does sleep through the night he is up ready to go at 6am. He has had to deal with a lot in his life with mourning parents who are trying to work through such a difficult phase of life while trying out hardest to be the parents he deserves. :) We are so grateful he is in our lives and we feel so lucky to be his. 

30 weeks with baby girl

We made it. 30 weeks! 30 weeks! Getting in the 30s is such a big sign of relief for me. It's also my absolute favorite part of pregnancy. Ryan and I were talking about some crappy and scary things we have coming up this month. One of them being the sentencing on Wednesday. I was crying. And feeling really sad. And then our Sweet G starting moving around and we both sat there quiet and felt her roll around and I looked up and Ryan and said in true cheesy Sami fashion, "This moment right here. This is what makes life so good." I'm so grateful to be able to experience pregnancy again. There are many parts of motherhood that have been a huge struggle so I'm grateful for comfortable, and healthy pregnancies. I always dreamed of having all boys. But the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew it was a girl. I'm so excited to get to know her. Her name we picked is full of light. And I can feel her sweetness already. 

baby size: 3 pounds! 

weight gain: 10-12ish. Depends on the day. 

sleep: pretty good considering. I'm so tired at the end of the day and just zonk out! 

missing: my works outs. always. hahah. she is so much lower than Riv. It's a lot more difficult for me to be sweaty active! 

craving: beverages. always and forever. 

feeling: so good, and beautiful. and just really soaking up the last bit of this pregnancy. i'm so glad i still have 2 months left. 

gender: girl. i love her name. but it's becoming more popular and i shouldn't care.. haha. but i do! i'm still on the hunt for others just in case.  

best moment of the week:  having family over yesterday for river's birthday. his face when we all sang to him was magic. 

looking forward to: seeing ryan tonight when he's done with work.