20 weeks with baby #3!

Saturday, July 21, 2018

A pregnancy update! It's taken me a lot longer to get around to doing this for this pregnancy. 

I'm just not sure if I'm ready or want to be vulnerable about how difficult this pregnancy has been for me. So I'll keep it simple. I'm not ready to go into details. :) Physically I feel great. But emotionally it's been extremely hard. There's such a stigma on mental illness that even after all these years of being open about it I'm just too fragile to talk to much about it right now. It's very painful and lonely.  I have felt judged. I have felt weak.  I feel extremely frustrated. I've found myself withdrawing. But I'm here. One day at a time. Trying not to do the "Sami Jo, you should be so happy you have everything you need to be happy." Because shaming doesn't help.. imagine that! 

I've gained  6-7 pounds depending on the day. I've gotten bigger so much faster with this one! I am in my 30s.. and it is my 3rd pregnancy. But it still surprises me! haha! 

I'm hungry always. If I could have Tandoori Oven every night. That would be the ideal hahah! 

Work is good. Trying to slow down a bit! With this pregnancy being a surprise I had a lot on my books already so I've had to cancel a few things. 

Yoga is the reason my body feels so good! It's never felt this good pregnant! 

I can't believe it's a girl! hahah! I was SO wrong! I let myself be human the day we found out and I cried over the boy I had in my heart. But I woke up the next day stoked. Another girl. I think she's going to be wild and free like mama. 

I've finalized her name in my head. Ryan doesn't know it yet haha. He likes to wait of course. I like to plan of course. It's gone my way for the last 2 so I'm pretty confident this is it for her! ;) 

That's all for now. Hopefully the next update will be a little more upbeat. But just keeping it real ya know?! 

I love her. I love my kids. Gotta work on being nicer to myself now. 


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