to river

-you are just the cutest little guy. whenever anyone comments about how cute you are i never say, "thank you!" i just say, "he really is huh??" 

-your fake cry is awesome.

-your pissed off dinosaur screaming cry is awesome too.

-i hate your sad cry. :(

-i officially think you look the most like your uncle clay! which i LOVE! i'm obsessed with my brothers so i'm so glad you look like one of them!

-your blessing day was a few days ago and it was beautiful. your dad gave you the sweetest blessing. one thing he said was how much love you have around you and how important family is! ryan and i weren't planning on baring our testimonies but we both did. we both cried. when i was crying during your blessing kase snuck over to sit on my lap and comfort me. it was so sweet! we then went to the clubhouse by our condo to have food with family and play basketball and chat. it was so great! after everyone left to head home i had the most intense pain of missing tony. i was crying on the couch with my head in my hands telling your dad how great the day was but i hate that tony will never be at another family get together. i was saying how much i missed him and his laugh and then i looked up at you and you were smiling the biggest smile and you left out a little chuckle. haha. i think you were laughing at my ugly cry face but i also think the lord knew i needed a little smile and laugh from you. 

-i had my first wedding last week and i left you for 8 hours. it was really hard, but i'm so grateful that i don't have to leave you every day and that i'm lucky enough to have a job that doesn't require me to leave you more than a few hours a week. full time working moms are so amazing. 

-you fight sleep like a toddler.  you scream and cry and kick and it takes about 20 minutes of that before you finally fall asleep. sometimes it drives me crazy but most of the time it makes me laugh. you are a stubborn little dude and i love that. 

-i've had a very angry tony week.  it is 100% ok for me to be angry (even though so many people have told me to stay positive ummm yaaaaa right.)  i'm trying so hard to sort through everything and all my feelings and it's so so hard.  i'm trying to be a nice and giving person through my grieving and mourning and it's been tricky. i'll get there. 

-auntie sagan is coming up in a couple weeks and i'm so excited!! 

-i'm excited to give you a brother or a sister in the future. ryan and i are kind of worried about a name if it's a brother because river is kind of the coolest name ever and we don't want to name your brother something super boring. haha! 

-i think you are so special.

-your dad is so cute with you. he is such a good guy. you are SO lucky to have him as a dad. 

-i love you riv!